Friend Poaching: Let’s Stop Doing This, Okay?

 

You know that feeling when you introduce two friends, and they hit it off so well that suddenly, you're the third wheel in your own friendship group? Yeah, that feeling. If you're nodding along, you’ve probably experienced something I like to call “friend poaching.”

It’s the weird, awkward phenomenon when someone you introduced to your circle gradually starts hanging out with your friend, texting them more, and before you know it, they’re grabbing brunch… without you. And let me tell you, as much as we want to play it cool and act like it’s no big deal, it is a big deal. Why? Because it hurts.

Let’s Talk About Friend Poaching

Friend poaching isn't just annoying, it can feel like a betrayal. It’s like investing your time and energy in building friendships, only to have someone swoop in and snatch away your connection. It’s not that we should be territorial over friends, but friend poaching tends to come from a place of disregard for someone’s feelings. It leaves the original friend in the middle wondering, “Wait, where do I fit in now?”

Why Do People Poach Friends?

People poach friends for different reasons. Maybe they just vibe better with someone else or maybe it’s unintentional – no harm meant. But often, it’s a sign that they’re not valuing the original relationship. If someone really cares about you, they’ll be conscious about not making you feel left out.

Friendship isn’t a competition. When you’re hanging out with someone, you should enjoy it without feeling like you have to “collect” new friends along the way. Poaching makes friendship feel transactional – and honestly, no one has time for that drama.

How to Spot Friend Poaching

If you’re not sure whether your friendships are falling victim to poaching, here are some tell-tale signs:

You hear about plans last-minute (or not at all). The worst is finding out your friends hung out without you… from Instagram.

They start texting and hanging out without including you. Casual meetups start happening, and suddenly you're the one out of the loop.

The dynamic has shifted, and you're now the odd one out. When you're with them, it feels like you're tagging along instead of being a part of the group.

Why Friend Poaching Hurts So Much

Friendships are like emotional investments. We put time, effort, and vulnerability into them, so when someone swoops in, it can feel like our value in the relationship is being overlooked. It’s easy to feel replaced – even if that’s not the other person's intention.

What’s worse is that friend poaching can make us question our worth. We start to wonder, “Why am I not enough?” Or “What do they have that I don’t?” – which is a terrible rabbit hole to go down.

So, before we get too deep into the emotions of it, let me just say: You are enough. Your friendships are valuable, and anyone who can’t see that isn’t worth your time.

What to Do if You Feel Friend Poaching Happening

Alright, enough of the sad stuff. If you feel like you’re getting friend-poached, here’s what you can do:

1. Communicate – If you feel comfortable, gently bring up how you’re feeling. A simple, “Hey, I noticed you two have been hanging out a lot. I just want to make sure we’re still cool?” can sometimes work wonders.
2. Protect Your Space – Don’t let friend poaching get under your skin. Continue nurturing your other friendships or make new ones. The more you diversify your social circles, the less one situation will weigh you down.
3. Set Boundaries – Friendships thrive with healthy boundaries. It’s totally okay to let people know how you feel about certain dynamics.
4. Remember Your Worth – Don’t let this make you feel like you’re not good enough. Some people click, and that’s fine, but that doesn’t take away from what you bring to the table.

Tips for Making New Friends (No Poaching Required!)

Now, let’s talk about meeting new friends! Maybe you’re feeling like it’s time to expand your circle, or maybe you’ve been burned by a poacher and need some fresh energy. Here are some easy, low-pressure ways to meet new people:

• Join a club or class: Whether it's yoga, a book club, or a cooking class, shared interests make for easy conversation starters.
• Go online: There are apps specifically designed for making friends! Bumble BFF, Hey! Vina, or Meetup can help you connect with like-minded people.
• Attend local events: Festivals, markets, or community events are great places to meet new people. Plus, there’s usually something fun to do while you're at it!
• Reach out to old friends: Sometimes rekindling an old friendship can bring the spark back into your social life.
• Be open and approachable: It sounds simple, but smiling, making eye contact, and being genuinely interested in others can really help form connections.

My final thoughts

Friendship is supposed to be supportive, loving, and drama-free. We all deserve connections where we feel valued and respected. So, let’s collectively agree to stop friend poaching and start being more mindful of each other’s feelings.

And hey, if you’ve been poached in the past – don’t sweat it. The right friends will see your worth and stick around for the long haul. 

Have you ever experienced friend poaching? How did you handle it? I’d love to hear your stories! Drop a comment below, and let’s chat. 

Thankful for your presence, Neja