Why We’re Still Talking About Patriarchy: The Invisible (Yet Ever-Present) Elephant in the Room

Alright, let’s get straight into it. Patriarchy. That word that, for some, triggers an instant eye-roll, a sigh, or an “Oh boy, here we go again.” It’s 2024, and you’d think we’d be past this. But here’s the thing: it’s as relevant today as it ever was, especially when we dig into why we, as women, often still feel like we’re carrying a heavier load than our male counterparts—in relationships, in the workplace, and sometimes even within ourselves.

What Is Patriarchy, Really?

Patriarchy isn’t just a structure, a law, or even something that’s always visible. It’s a mindset, woven into everyday life. It’s the social system where men hold primary power, meaning everything from economic power to social privilege to control over politics, religion, and yes—even family decisions. You don’t always notice it because it’s been “the way things are” for so long. But if you’ve ever felt frustrated about being talked over in a meeting, judged for what you wear, or pressured to “be nice,” then you’ve felt its effects.

Patriarchy’s Got Layers

Patriarchy is like an onion—it’s got layers (and it can make you cry). Let’s break down a few of them:

• In the Workplace

Ever been asked to “tone it down” or “smile more”? Or maybe you've seen a guy who’s way less qualified than you get promoted first. This isn’t just bad luck; it’s part of a culture that still struggles to see women as authoritative without softening it with “feminine” traits. According to studies, women are still underrepresented in leadership roles, and when they do get there, they often face criticism that men don’t. There’s pressure to be “nice” and “likable” instead of simply being respected for our skills.

• In Relationships

Patriarchy doesn’t just end at the office door. In relationships, we’re still dealing with outdated expectations about gender roles. Many of us are expected to play caretaker, peacekeeper, and therapist for our partners—all while handling our own lives. How many times have you heard the phrase “emotional labor”? It’s real, and it’s exhausting. From planning dates to remembering birthdays to managing the home, women often bear the brunt of the invisible work in relationships.

• In Society’s Judgment of Us

Let’s talk about the constant judgment—another gift from patriarchy. Society expects us to look good (but not too good), work hard (but not too ambitious), and want kids (but not too soon or too late). And god forbid we’re single at 30. Or child-free by choice. These “rules” are all part of a system that has boxed women into expectations that don’t allow us to live freely without judgment.

Why Are We Still Talking About This?

It’s easy to wonder why we even bother to talk about patriarchy anymore—haven’t women made tons of progress? Of course, we have! We’ve come a long way, but true equality still eludes us in so many ways. Conversations about patriarchy aren’t a complaint-fest; they’re about recognizing that progress has been made but the work is far from over.

Let’s not even get started on how patriarchy hurts men too. Boys are often taught to toughen up, don’t cry, be providers, and dominate. But what if they don’t want to fit into that box? Patriarchy doesn’t serve anyone well—it just reinforces outdated ideas that limit all of us.

What Can We Do?

Talking about patriarchy is a step. But here are a few things we can do to start breaking it down, bit by bit:

• Challenge Stereotypes: Speak up when you hear stereotypes—about anyone. Challenge people’s ideas of what’s “feminine” or “masculine.” Sometimes, we don’t even realize how much we’re reinforcing these roles.
• Support Other Women: We’re in this together. Let’s celebrate each other’s victories, support each other’s dreams, and cheer each other on. Women supporting women can be a powerful counter to a system that often pits us against each other.
• Set Boundaries: Don’t let outdated expectations weigh you down. Whether it’s in a relationship, at work, or even with family, setting boundaries is essential. If people ask for too much emotional labor or expect you to fit a mold, let them know what’s okay and what’s not.
• Teach the Next Generation: Talk to young people about equality, respect, and emotional openness. The more we encourage future generations to question gender roles, the closer we get to a truly equal society.

Patriarchy’s Days Are Numbered—But We’re Not There Yet

I get it. It’s 2024, and a part of us might want to just move on, look forward, and forget about this. But real progress comes from understanding and dismantling these systems, one conversation at a time. Patriarchy may be invisible, but it’s everywhere—and the more we talk about it, the more visible it becomes, and the closer we get to a world that serves everyone better.

So, yes, patriarchy is still here, but so are we—and we’re not going anywhere.

Thankful for your presence, Neja