Catch-Up Friendships: Are They Really Worth the Hype?

We all know the drill. You haven’t spoken in ages, one of you finally sends that, "We should totally catch up!" text, and suddenly you’re meeting at some trendy café with overpriced lattes. You exchange life updates—work, relationships, maybe a bit about a recent trip—and then... that's it. Sound familiar? That is the essence of a catch-up friendship.

But here’s the thing: Are catch-up friendships really worth it? Because I’m starting to feel like these meetups, as friendly as they are, rarely go beyond surface level. Instead, they drain our energy, emotions, time, and even our wallets. Let’s dig in!

The Shallow Side of Catch-Up Friendships

Catch-up friendships thrive on the illusion that we’re keeping a relationship alive. But are we really? These quick reunions usually skip past any real emotions, challenges, or dreams. We give each other the highlights, skipping the messy, raw bits of our lives. This type of friendship can feel as satisfying as sipping plain water when you’re craving a double-shot espresso—refreshing, sure, but ultimately a little flat.

Wasting Emotional Energy on the Basics

Ever walked out of a catch-up session feeling like you just ran a social marathon, yet somehow accomplished... nothing? That’s emotional exhaustion at its finest. These quick catch-ups feel like performing a monologue instead of actually bonding. It’s all surface-level updates that leave no room for vulnerability or depth, yet drain you as if they did. Real connections are supposed to rejuvenate us, but a catch-up friendship can sometimes leave us feeling more lonely than before.

Time Is Precious—And So Are You!

With work, family, personal goals, and (if we’re lucky) a little self-care routine, time is already stretched thin. So why do we keep carving out an hour here and there for friendships that don’t nurture us? Especially when that time could be used for relationships that fuel us, or heck, even an hour alone doing something that feels truly refreshing!

Money Talks—And So Does That Bill

Let’s talk cash. Those catch-ups often come with the expectation of going somewhere nice, which, let’s face it, is rarely cheap. When you realize you've spent $20 on a latte and a muffin to talk about surface-level topics, it stings. I’m all for treating myself and others, but there’s a difference between a treat and a drain. Money is a form of energy, and spending it on connections that feel empty can leave us resentful. We could be investing in experiences or friendships that are genuinely meaningful to us instead.

When Does a Friendship Become Real?

True friendship is built on understanding and trust, on opening up about our fears, dreams, mistakes, and joys. That’s hard to do in an occasional, surface-level catch-up. Real friends see the messier parts of us and stick around anyway. They’re there for the highs and lows, not just the “what’s new with you?” But with catch-up friendships, it often feels like we’re keeping each other at arm’s length, unwilling or unable to go deeper.

How to Break the Cycle of Shallow Friendships

If you feel drained by catch-up friendships, here’s a thought: maybe it’s time to reprioritize. Friendships don’t all have to be super deep, but if we find ourselves giving time and energy to those that just aren’t satisfying, maybe it’s time to seek out those who match our vibe, values, and energy a bit more.

Here’s how to shift things:

1. Be Honest – If you want a deeper connection, say it! Sometimes, all it takes is letting the other person know.
2. Choose Friendships That Nourish – Spend time with people who genuinely support you and want to see the real you.
3. Respect Your Own Energy – If a catch-up friendship isn’t fulfilling, don’t be afraid to step back. Your energy is precious!

Are You Ready for Friendships That Matter?

Catch-up friendships serve a purpose, but that purpose can sometimes feel hollow. If these meetups leave you feeling empty, maybe it’s time to rethink what you want out of your friendships. Imagine putting your energy into relationships that bring out the best in you, that make you feel seen, heard, and valued. Doesn’t that sound like a far better way to spend your time, money, and emotional energy?

Thankful for your presence, Neja